main logo
hamburger-menu-image

How to Forgive Yourself to Live Your Best Lfie

Forgiving yourself is a process. Sadly, it cannot happen overnight. It takes effort. As someone who has been through faith transition, heartbreak, divorce, depression, and anxiety, these steps have helped me to take back my power and step into my full potential.

Self compassion & kindness

If your first response to a negative situation is to criticize yourself, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion. The only way to begin the journey to forgiveness is to be kind and compassionate with yourself.

This takes time, patience, and a reminder to yourself that you’re worthy of forgiveness.

 

Feel your emotions

One of the first steps in forgiving yourself is to focus on your emotions. Give yourself permission to recognize and accept the feelings that have been triggered in you and get curious about what you are feeling without judging the feeling as good or bad. Before you can move forward, it is important to acknowledge and process your emotions. You must feel it to heal it. 

 

The shift

The key in forgiving yourself and seeing how each experience is an opportunity for growth, is to ask yourself, “How is this happening for me instead of to me?” Think of each “mistake” as a learning experience. This will help you move forward faster and more consistently in the future.Remember, you did the best you could with the knowledge and tools you had. 

 

 

Acknowledge your mistake by writing it down

When you make a mistake or act in a way that you feel like, “I should have known better,” take a moment to pause and write it down. When you acknowledge what you learned from the mistake, you give a voice to the thoughts in your head and the emotions in your heart. This will allow you to free yourself from some of the burdens. When you put pen to paper and write it down, you imprint in your mind what you learned.

 

Press pause

If you make a mistake and have a hard time putting it out of your mind, ask yourself, “How is thinking about this helping me? Am I punishing myself or am I truly being productive in my thoughts?” If you find yourself becoming too consumed with your mistake, give yourself permission to press pause. Tell yourself you are putting this aside for now and will return to it if and when it will benefit you. Remember to take your time and act from a place of self love. 

Conversing with your inner critic

We are our own worst critics. Notice when you are being self-critical and write it down. Journaling can help you understand your inner critic and develop self-compassion. Write out a “conversation” between you and your inner critic. This can help you identify thought patterns that are sabotaging your ability to forgive yourself.

 

Self-love 

Find a journal and write down a list of the qualities you like about yourself, including your strengths and skills. This can help boost your self love when you’re feeling down about a mistake you made. We all make mistakes. It is the human experience. Show yourself some grace and be kind to yourself.

 

Get clear about what you want

If the mistake you made hurt another person, determine the best course of action. Do you want to talk to this person and apologize? Is it important to reconcile with them and make amends?

If you’re on the fence about what to do, you might want to consider making amends. This goes beyond saying sorry to a person. A heartfelt apology is the solution. The other person may or may not forgive you but at least you will feel better for apologizing. Forgiving ourselves for pain we may have caused to another person is easier if we first make amends.

 

Take your own advice

Oftentimes, it’s easier to tell someone else what to do than to take our own advice. What would you tell a friend if they were sharing this mistake they made with you? Now take your own advice. Say a prayer or call on your spiritual support and take action. 

 

Quiet your mind

Our brains can be our greatest asset or enemy. It’s human nature to spend time and energy replaying our mistakes. While some processing is important, going over what happened again and again won’t allow you to take the proper steps to forgive yourself.

When you catch yourself playing the “I’m a horrible person” tape, stop yourself and focus on one positive action step. For example, instead of replaying the tape, take three deep breaths or go for a walk.

Interrupting the thought pattern can help you move away from the negative experience and reduce stress and anxiety. 

A Guide to Living With Intention

 

“Intentional” seems to be a buzzword that has made its way into our everyday language. Instead of letting it just be a buzzword, why not fully embrace it and truly live by its principles? Being intentional is living in a way that is in line with your values and beliefs.

When you’re going through the motions of day-to-day life, intentionality may not be on the forefront of your mind. It’s easy to find yourself in a routine that may feel like you are living in Groundhog Day. Intentional living is having a daily routine with meaning. You are specifically choosing to give daily devotion to the things that align with what matters most.

I have come up with a list of steps to live intentionally to give you ideas to implement this into your own life.

 

1. CHOOSE ACTIVITIES THAT ALIGN WITH YOUR VALUES

Make a list of your beliefs, values and top priorities. If you are unsure of what words to use to describe your values and beliefs, try taking a look at this resource from Brené Brown.

Ask Yourself:

“What makes my life worth living”

“What’s most important to me?”

“What do I want out of life”

 

2. COMMIT TO SELF-IMPROVEMENT & PERSONAL GROWTH

When life encompasses a path of self-improvement and personal growth, you will feel more fulfilled and have more meaning in your life.

Commit to and maintain a progressive mindset. If you want to expand and grow, staying curious is key. 

Personal growth is a lifelong process that requires consistent practice and attention. Allow yourself to be in progress, not perfection. 

 

3. ENJOY THE MOMENT

Being mindful of the present moment helps you increase self-awareness, build stronger 

relationships and can decrease stress and worry. 

Often, people feel they are “in the moment” and enjoying the present, but truly being 

mindful and practicing mindfulness can be challenging. It takes a lot of intention and determination to shift that mindset

Mindfulness is being aware of everything in the present moment. This 

includes your own body, physical experience, environment, surroundings, as well as 

emotional state, mindset and thoughts.

Being mindful and truly in the moment requires committed effort. Regular practice can help you to be more present and aware which leads to living life with more intention and meaning. 

 

4. STRIVE FOR WHOLENESS

Creating and maintaining wholeness and overall wellness in your life is essential to living your life to the fullest. 

Ensure all areas are well-cared for by focusing your attention on what is presented in the present moment. There are times one child may need more attention than another or you are birthing a new idea or creation. In these times, wholeness is giving that area of your life more of your time and energy while maintaining the other area of your life that matters to you. If things start to feel out of alignment, re-center. It is normal to experience life “out of balance,”. So strive for wholeness instead. 

 

5. MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Helpful actions toward others, as well as yourself, can be beneficial to your mental wellbeing. 

When you give back and help others it can help you feel better about yourself.

When you live with intention, you have more passion, more focus, and more attention to your actions, which can enrich your experience and your life. 

Now that you have 5 steps to help you get started living intentionally. Make a commitment to daily practice in each of these areas. Be selective in who you spend your time with, what you spend your time consuming (media, tv, podcasts, books, etc) and what social events you say yes to. The goal is to ask yourself, “Is this aligned with my beliefs and values?” Now that you have those listed, you can use it as your guide to say’ “yes or no”. When you choose to live an intentional life, you will start to see how life is happening for you instead of to you. You will take back your power in every situation and circumstance and you will be living a life by design. 

Gratitude: The key to unlocking your potential and turning on your life

The mind is one of the most powerful tools we have. Have you ever had an inconvenience in your day that made you say to yourself, “Wow, that really ruined my day” or even “Today is just a bad day”? If you’re human, I imagine you have. When those phrases enter our thoughts or leave our mouths, it’s hard to get out of the mindset of thinking the whole world is out to get us and we are no longer turned on and definitely not bringing our light to those in our world. 

Everything starts with how we think. And with that thought, a chain reaction occurs impacting our lives for better or for worse.

 

“What we think determines how we feel. What we feel determines how we act. How we act determines the results we get in our lives.”

 

So how can we ensure our thoughts are unlocking our full potential and reaping the results we desire in our lives? In order to feel better and get more of what we want in life, we must change how we think.

Implementing gratitude as a daily practice is a way to shift those negative thoughts and turn on our lives from the inside out. We start to recognize that although inconveniences are not ideal, they do not signify a bad day or a bad life.

_______________________________

 

Understanding gratitude

Understanding the elements of gratitude is the first step. There are three elements to gratitude: think, feel, and do.

 

Think

Thankfulness is the acknowledgment that there are things to be grateful for. Thankfulness is the thinking part of the equation and everything starts with how we think. After thinking thankful thoughts the next step is to write down what you are grateful for. There is power in writing.  After listing those things in which we are grateful, keep going. The key to experiencing the full power of gratitude is to move to the next two levels of gratitude: appreciation and generosity. Thankfulness can help you feel better, but it will never change your life until you experience appreciation.

Feel

Appreciation occurs when we think thankful thoughts,  internalize, AND allow ourselves to truly feel those thankful thoughts. This helps us eliminate those harmful thought cycles we so often get caught up in. The key to appreciation is to pause and take time to ponder those thoughts. Asking yourself, how am I better because of these blessings? Acknowledging the impact those various things have on your day to day life by feeling them is where the shit happens.

Do

Our feelings determine our actions. When we feel do, we are able to experience the power of generosity. Generosity is giving more than people expect and without any expectation of receiving something in return. In order to get to this level of gratitude, we must start with thankfulness and appreciation.

 

How can we implement gratitude into our lives? 

Like most things beneficial to our well-being, making gratitude a part of your life is a process. Implementing a gratitude practice into your daily routine is one way to live intentionally and turn your life on. You will feel better and radiate lite from the inside out..  These practices are a great way to practice self-care. I invite you to take part in a daily gratitude practice for four weeks. As this practice becomes second nature, a shift in perspective will occur, you will see your relationships flourish, and you will feel a deep sense of connection & awareness with the true essence of who you are. If you aren’t sure where to start, I want to offer you a few ideas:

  1. Keep a gratitude journal. Write down 3 things you are grateful for. Gratitude writing is the most effective way to fill our minds with thoughts that make us feel better. Here’s how it works: Write down gratitude, read what you have written out loud so you can hear the words of gratitude. This will then allow you to feel grateful and this is where the shift happens.
  2. Reach out to someone who has done something kind for you. Express appreciation for their action and how it made you feel. Be specific.
  3. List three good things that happened to you.

When you start your journey to change your thoughts, words will play an extremely influential role. Words are powerful. The words we write, read, say and hear all have a powerful influence over the thoughts we think. If we want to change the way we think, we need to change the words we are allowing to enter our mind. Looking at this list, you may feel that the task at hand is daunting. When this thought occurs, remind yourself: You are worth the change.

Tips on rewiring the way you think/approach situations

Do you want to be healthy? Do you want to be happy? Do you want to be free? Do you believe it’s a choice? Most people wait until there is a crisis, disease or diagnosis, loss, or some kind of tragedy to decide to change. Why wait? Ask yourself, “What beliefs are helping me and which are hurting me”. Emotions are tied to past experiences. As we continue to feel these same emotions, we validate the story of the past. They then become beliefs that are hardwired into our subconscious mind. We can’t control what happened in the past, but we can control what we focus on and our thoughts. What would happen if you were not your past? What if you were free? Let’s dive into how to rewire and reprogram our brains to move through these past experiences and current emotions.

Now it is time to leave what you know at the door. Get curious. Start to notice your thoughts about certain situations and the beliefs you have come to believe. The mind is always looking for proof that something is true. That’s why you will always find what you are looking for when you search within. When you feel a strong emotion, first ask yourself, “am I safe”? If the answer is yes, move to the next step. Set an intention to understand where this emotion is coming from. Ask yourself, “when I feel a strong emotion, what am I focused on? What is the meaning I’m giving the situation? What is my self-talk?” It’s the imagination. Joe Dispenza said, “You aren’t reacting to the present moment, you are reacting to the past.” We need to understand how to create strong emotion and how to use our imagination. Imagination is the language of the subconscious mind. 

 

 

When it creates this imagination about the future moment, we feel what it feels like to do it now. It’s happening now. You can think about a situation in the past and bring it to the present. You can also bring the future to the present. We react to the emotion we are feeling by the meaning we give it and what we imagine. You are not your mind. You can rewire the mind. The way you did it in the past is the path to do it in the future. Use your current triggers to help you get to the truth. What you resist will persist. In doing this, you MUST commit to do it from a place of love. You MUST practice self love and compassion. Lovingly except where you are and getting excited about where you are going. You’ve done the best you can with what you’ve known. It’s been your default programming.  

Now, get curious to get to the root of the cause. Decide to go deep to find where the belief was first created. Go back to the past, to that time when the emotion was so strong that you created a story that turned into a belief. Join my coaching program so you aren’t alone. This work is not easy but I promise you, it is worth it. I will help you love yourself through this process and help you rewire your old way of thinking. Sign up for a one-on-one with me or one of my coaching programs today!